I went to my primary care physician today to proceed with my first step in being cleared for the hysterectomy. The doctors have moved to a new location, which I found easily. The new facility is located on the corner of the block. I turned right onto the side street and turned right again to pull into the parking lot. However, I actually entered the lot the wrong way...That should have been a sign.
The office staff were cold, unfriendly and very involved answering the phones, shuffling papers, clicking the computer... She needed me to sign in. She needed to see my insurance card. She needed my copayment. The computer wasn't working and so she held on to my debit card but then I was called back. The nurse had to wait for the clerk and I had to wait for them both.
She said, "Stand on this scale." She said, "Don't get off." She said, "Stand up straight. Look forward." She measured my height and pressed a button...presto my BMI. Ew!
We went into the examining room where she put a clip on my finger and stuck a thermometer in my ear. Then she checked on the finger...she forgot to turn it on. She checked my blood pressure next. Again, she looked at the finger...no battery juice. She wrote everything in my chart and then she left.
I picked up my Sudoku booklet, checked out the new construction of the office building, and waited for the doc.
As soon as she came in, I knew that I'd have to face the two things I dreaded: You've gained weight. You haven't been here in a while. Damn if that wasn't exactly what she said. "You haven't been here since 2009 and you've gained a lot of weight." Here we go. Shoulders slumped, I sounded like a whiney kid, "I know I've been here more recently than that. I've had to get prescriptions filled. I think I can remember getting an x-ray last summer and you would have had to write me a prescription for that." The doctor dismissed those comments and went on to update my file.
"Are you still taking 25 mcg of Synthroid?" she asked.
"No. I take 125 and I've been on that for a few years."
Shaking her head, she scribbled in a one before the 25 to indicate it was one hundred twenty five mcg. We talked about my other health issues and she took notes. As I was answering her I reiterated that I know that I had been to see her more recently than 2009 because I had the ablation in 2010 and needed clearance for that procedure. While she was writing, I noticed that the first three letters on my chart were W.O.L. (They have giant letter stickers on the side tab of the folder so that they can file them in alphabetical order on enormous sliding bookshelves.) Then, I spoke up again and reminded the doctor that I have a hyphenated name and that most places file things under my maiden name which technically comes before my married name. Listening to my heart and lungs, she said, "You know, you might be on to something here. I remember your hyphenated name. (She's a hyphenated name too and so therefore we have some unspoken kinship.) I'll check on that as soon as I'm done."
Sure enough! There are two patients with the same name and both of us take Synthroid. Well, that explains a lot. I haven't gained as much weight as she thought and I was seen by her last year. Whew!
The doctor had ordered an EKG which they were able to do in the examining room. In came the "oh-so-friendly-nurse" with the machine. She grumbled, "Remove your top and bra and put on this paper cape with the opening in the front." and walked out. I squinched up my face when she left and thought, "Open your mouth when you talk. Enunciate."
When she returned, she was all jolly. "What is that that you are doing? Is that Sukoku? How do you play that? How do you know when you get the right numbers? How's your husband? Is he home? Are you enjoying being together during Spring Break? What grade do you teach? Do you like what you do?" She was chatting away as she hooked me up to the EKG machine. Happy. Happy. La, la, la. "OK, you're all done. Get dressed, hun, the doctor will be in as soon as she checks the EKG."
Feeling a bit schizophrenic, I got dressed and resumed my Sudoku while I waited for the doctor to return with the results...which were fine.
As I went to check out, the other "oh-so-cheery-clerk" informed me that Humana had made an error in their system. My primary care physician is listed as my kids' pediatrician. Calling Humana while I was still in the office, I thought back to the chart mix up. Thank God I continued to speak up! What are the odds of this? Humana fixed their mix up and I was finally done.
I should have seen the "Do Not Enter/Wrong Way" signs in the parking lot when I drove in and then I should have braced myself for this bass ackward experience.
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