Love and Logic Convo

I am a big believer of the Love and Logic techniques.  I use a lot of the "one liners" as a parent, as a teacher, as a co-worker, as an employee...etc.  They work so well.  I wish that I could remember to use them more often because it makes the solution to any problem so efficient.  The following exchange is between my son and me.  He was very sad because one of the neighborhood kids was riding her bike.  She finished her homework much sooner than he did.  (I actually typed the conversation as it happened.  There was a lot of getting up from his homework to get tissues so it was pretty easy to keep up.)

SON:  I can't even spell the word different.  I even mess up on the word plain.  It's not fair.  My life used to be ok.  But now it's not.

MOM:  What should you do now?

SON:  I don't know.  I'm too stupid to know.

MOM:  You're a very smart kid.  If anyone could figure it out, it would be you.

SON:  I used to be.  Even the kindergardeners are better at [boy] scouts than me.  Even this one kid who is the most distracted kid in the school is done with the [scout] book.  I'm not even close.

MOM:  So, what should you do now?

SON:  I don't know.  It isn't fair.  All my friends have a good time.  I'm the only one who doesn't.  This other girl is in the class that usually has way more work and she's done.  It's not fair.  I never get to do anything fun.  Guess what?  Today is the celebration of my classmate's birthday.  But he's sick.

MOM:  Well, that's no fun.  How do you think he feels about that?

SON:  Sad.

MOM:  So, what should you do now?

SON:  I still don't know.  What do you think I should do?  I do know one.  I want to ask Daddy if I can do it the normal way.

MOM:  So, what should you do now?

SON:  I don't know.  What should I do?

MOM:  What do you think you should do?

SON:  I have no clue.

MOM:  What are your choices?  Well, let's think about them.  You could do your work...

SON:  Well, I don't want to do my work.

MOM:  How's that workin' out for you?

SON:  (Picks up pencil and starts doing homework with a big sigh.)

MOM:  So, what are you going to do now?

SON:  My work.

As I reflect on this conversation, I'm watching him do his homework:  cursive handwriting of his spelling words.  It is so difficult to be a kid.  Adults have high expectations of kids as far as academics and work load.  I'm a teacher and I know homework is important and it is a study skill that everyone needs to master.  I like watching my kids grapple with a challenge...it builds character and then ultimately success.  I just wish it didn't have to suck so badly for my own kid.   But thanks to the folks over at Love and Logic, I put the power of owning the decisions, rewards, and consequences in the hands of the learner.  Tonight, my boy learned something far more important than how to correctly write twenty words that end with -er.  He learned that the answer to the difficulties of life come from him.