Two Tasks to Tackle

I tried to listen better today.

I defied a woman at my job and did something she told me not to do.  I let in a handful of early riser teachers ten minutes before the lady said I could.  Ut oh!  Why would anybody NOT let people come to work early and get a jump on the day?  Oh well...FAIL (And proud of it.)

I was a very good listener today as a mom.  My son rattled on and on about his friend, a book, a movie, pencils, a paper airplane, new light bulbs...PASS.

As a wife, I listened to my husband talk about his plans for the evening.  Hours later, I am proudly able to recall the plans:  politics, hockey, shower, bed.  PASS.

Now, on to the crossword puzzles...
The booklet on my night stand is dated May, 2008.  I'm on puzzle 49 and I usually only do the puzzles on one side of the book.  (I don't like to do these newsprint paper booklets on the side of the book that gets folded back because  I'm lazy I don't like doing the folded back page and that way I also only have to do half of the book.)  There are 144 puzzles.  I only do the odd numbered ones - so make that 143.  I've completed #49.  143-49=94 puzzles left to do.  I better be realistic and plan on doing no more than four a week.  That will take me about 24 weeks!  That's just one of these stupid little books!  I've got two sudoku books and another word search.  I guess I better stop blogging and start improving my vocabulary.

And so it begins.  Two tasks from my list are being actively pursued.  If all goes as planned I will be done with the crossword puzzle book by the time school starts back up in August.  I cringe at the thought of a deadline.  Gulp.

Being a Better Listener

Since I officially started actively doing one thing on my list, I'm frighteningly aware that this 45 under 45 list is going to be tougher than I originally planned.  I am working on being a better listener.  Sadly, today I noticed that I zoned out when someone was talking to me.  I purposefully had to engage myself in the conversation.  I was looking around the room, thinking of what else I needed to do today and then...La La Land.  Another time someone was talking to me about their adventures this weekend...I was distracted by another task and had to refocus.

Additionally, in the course of the day, I know that the following exchanges took place:
1.  A friend tried to share info about a new weather app.  I don't know what's so cool about that app.  I didn't even pay attention.  I started talking about the weather website I like to go to.  FAIL.
2.  A friend got a new address stamp and was proud of it.  It has her last initial in the middle.  I think it was a lower case.  Then, each member of the family has their name on the left side of the circle and the address is on the right.  Although the person who got the new stamp is a woman, she is pleased to know that her name comes first, then her husband, and then her kids.  PASS.
3.  A friend was talking about her kids.  Too personal to put on this blog but I think that I can recall the gist of it.  I'd say that's a PASS.
4.  My daughter was telling me about her math and grammar.  MAJOR FAIL.  I was 100% not engaged and had to make her restart.  I still couldn't follow along so I simply said, "I don't understand what you are talking about, go do your work."  Not only did I fail, but I also tried to pull the "Mommy Card" to cover up my lack of attentiveness.
5.  Also related to my daughter and yet another FAIL...  She told me to check her closet this morning because she had worked hard on reorganizing it last night.  I forgot.  Bad Mommy!
6.  I took off my wedding ring last night because I was pretending to be a glamorous starlet today and it didn't "match" my outfit.  My husband asked me to put it back on last night.  I was too lazy to get up and get it.  FAIL.  Then this morning he reminded me again.  I still forgot.  FAIL.  Bad Wifey!

This sucks.  I suck.  I have *GOT* to start being a better mom, wife, and friend.  We joke in my family that "It's Jen's world...we all just live in it."  Is that actually true?  Am I a diva, czar, bee-otch?  Eww.  This 45 under 45 thing just might make me see things about myself that I'm not entirely ready for.  {SIGH}  I will do better!

A Good "LASHing"

I couldn't help myself with the title.

The letters in L.A.S.H. stand for Laparoscopic Supercervical Hysterectomy and I'm fixin' to get me one.  Seriously, though.  I've suffered long enough with wacky periods and I've done every other suggested technique and procedure but I've not had any relief.  The GYN said, "You just drew the short straw."  The saline infused sonogram I had done two weeks ago showed a fibroid, a polyp, and a thick lining of my uterus.  Luckily, the biopsy results are benign.  So, there's no urgency to scheduling this surgery other than my own timeline.

I'm at peace with the decision to have a part of my body removed forever more.  I was hoping that the doctor didn't want to do just another short term fix and I was hoping she also didn't want to take my cervix or ovaries.  Although this is not what I "want" to do, this is the best option for me for the long term.  The amount of time and energy that I have spent/wasted dealing with these issues has really added up.  With the possibility of more than 10 years until menopause, this is a procedure that simply is right for me.  So, that's a big weight off my shoulders.

In talking to friends and family about this, I have come to realize how awesomely lucky I am to have so many caring souls in my life.  I don't think of myself as a closed off person but I know I can be aloof at times.  This short experience has taught me a lot.  When I took the time to ask questions and really listen to other people, I learned I should do a better job of listening to others when they talk (even if its something I'm not particularly interested in).

Being a better listener is something I'm going to add to my list.  I think that I'll start that today.  My first official task from my "45 Under 45" starts now.

The List

1.  Lose at least 45 pounds
2.  Finish reading Dante's Divine Comedy
3.  Finish reading the books on my nightstand:  A Land Remembered, Follow the River, Winning at Losing, Cigar City, Sea Glass, Who Let the Dogs Out, and all of the magazines and catalogs I've hoarded.
4.  Finish the Dalmatian quilt I started about 10 years ago.
5.  Swim with manatees at Crystal River.
6.  Stand up paddle board launched from the shoreline in front of my house.
7.  Kayak in Tampa Bay.
8.  Give up coffee, sugar, artificial foods for a certain period of time
10.  Shoot a gun, bow and arrow
11.  Be binge free for a certain number of days
12.  Go to OA and get a sponsor
13.  Floss daily for a certain period of time
14.  Go without TV for a month
15.  Visit my grandparent's graves
16.  Roller skate down Bayshore Blvd.
17.  Do a piece of stained glass
18.  Learn how to French braid
19.  Do the splits
20.  Do a head stand
21.  Have professional photos made of our family
22.  Ride a Segway
23.  Be a better listener
24.  Do the NASCAR Experience or at least have my dad do it
25.  Complete the Sudoku, word search, and crossword puzzles I started but never finished

Love and Logic Convo

I am a big believer of the Love and Logic techniques.  I use a lot of the "one liners" as a parent, as a teacher, as a co-worker, as an employee...etc.  They work so well.  I wish that I could remember to use them more often because it makes the solution to any problem so efficient.  The following exchange is between my son and me.  He was very sad because one of the neighborhood kids was riding her bike.  She finished her homework much sooner than he did.  (I actually typed the conversation as it happened.  There was a lot of getting up from his homework to get tissues so it was pretty easy to keep up.)

SON:  I can't even spell the word different.  I even mess up on the word plain.  It's not fair.  My life used to be ok.  But now it's not.

MOM:  What should you do now?

SON:  I don't know.  I'm too stupid to know.

MOM:  You're a very smart kid.  If anyone could figure it out, it would be you.

SON:  I used to be.  Even the kindergardeners are better at [boy] scouts than me.  Even this one kid who is the most distracted kid in the school is done with the [scout] book.  I'm not even close.

MOM:  So, what should you do now?

SON:  I don't know.  It isn't fair.  All my friends have a good time.  I'm the only one who doesn't.  This other girl is in the class that usually has way more work and she's done.  It's not fair.  I never get to do anything fun.  Guess what?  Today is the celebration of my classmate's birthday.  But he's sick.

MOM:  Well, that's no fun.  How do you think he feels about that?

SON:  Sad.

MOM:  So, what should you do now?

SON:  I still don't know.  What do you think I should do?  I do know one.  I want to ask Daddy if I can do it the normal way.

MOM:  So, what should you do now?

SON:  I don't know.  What should I do?

MOM:  What do you think you should do?

SON:  I have no clue.

MOM:  What are your choices?  Well, let's think about them.  You could do your work...

SON:  Well, I don't want to do my work.

MOM:  How's that workin' out for you?

SON:  (Picks up pencil and starts doing homework with a big sigh.)

MOM:  So, what are you going to do now?

SON:  My work.

As I reflect on this conversation, I'm watching him do his homework:  cursive handwriting of his spelling words.  It is so difficult to be a kid.  Adults have high expectations of kids as far as academics and work load.  I'm a teacher and I know homework is important and it is a study skill that everyone needs to master.  I like watching my kids grapple with a challenge...it builds character and then ultimately success.  I just wish it didn't have to suck so badly for my own kid.   But thanks to the folks over at Love and Logic, I put the power of owning the decisions, rewards, and consequences in the hands of the learner.  Tonight, my boy learned something far more important than how to correctly write twenty words that end with -er.  He learned that the answer to the difficulties of life come from him.

Segue and a Struggle

Ride a Segue!  That's something to add to my list.  I thought about that today on our way to dinner as we drove down Bayshore Blvd.  Now, that's a good one to add to the list.  I really want to do that!

Yesterday related to work:
I attended a meeting with all of the other writing teachers in the district.  We learned a lot of things, had some rich discussions about student pieces, but ended on an emotional note.  The Supervisor of LA for my school addressed us all and said something to the effect of the following...

"I know that you all think that in our Writing Review Meetings all we do is see the scores and not the actual kid and the progress that the kid has made...but...we do see the kid.  We see that no one works harder than you.  We know that you all do everything you can to grow these students as writers and we want to celebrate that.  No matter how the scores come back, we know that you all work hard and that each child has found their voice because of you.  Because of you, that child now has this powerful tool to express themselves for the rest of their lives.  Writing is an art form...BRAVO!"

She cried as she spoke to us from her heart.  I was proud of her, proud of our district, and proud of myself. No one gave her a standing ovation as she finished her rally cry.  =(  I gave her a hug on the way out though.

Today at work:
I ended the day with a tense conference.  I want to do what I think is best for kids...what I think will ultimately bring on success.  Today I felt bad for trying to do what I thought was going to be helpful.  Now, I'm confused.  Was my action correct but delivered at the wrong time?  Was my action the long over due action that was needed and wanted...but after such a long time of being told a different message, the other party wasn't really for the reality that there is an easy fix?  Is it easier to not fix something and just have that thing out there as the elephant in the room that no one talks about?  What should I do now?  Should I try to fix the situation that I was trying to fix?

If I go back to what my boss was saying, "Writing is an art form"...Do I just not "get it"?  As the instructor don't I want my students to be able to master their craft?  If there is an element that is getting in the way of the audience receiving the message, should the instructor guide the student to make their art more accessible?  Or should I not try to make the artist conform?  But this is a test of "standard written English"...  Not some wacky new age art show.

I have worked hard.  I am proud.  I did the right thing...(I think?)

More possibilities

Give up coffee, sugar, artificial foods?
Shoot a gun, bow and arrow
Be binge free for a certain number of days
Go to OA and get a sponsor
Floss daily
Go without TV for a month
Visit my grandparent's graves
Roller skate down Bayshore Blvd.
Do a piece of stained glass
Learn how to French braid
Do the splits
Do a head stand
Have professional photos made of our family

I don't know about these additions to my list.  Some seem kind of lame and some are not things that I really even care about a lot.

My brain is currently absorbed with FCAT and the possibility of having a hysterectomy.

FCAT Writing is coming in a few days.  I've taught it and taught it and then taught it some more.  There isn't a whole lot left to do but keep on doing what I know is best for children and then wait for the day.  After the FCAT Writing test is over, I'm going to have to evaluate and start working toward next year.  The FCAT Writing is changing and I'm OK with that change but that's going to be hard to relearn a new way of doing things.  I'm even OK with that too.

Now, on to the hysterectomy.  Next Friday I'll know more but right now I've got a million thoughts in my head.  I've been on the pill since I was about 14.  I went off the pill to have a child but then I couldn't ever get my periods back under control.  Then, another child and back to the pill.  Still no luck.  Then I lost weight.  No help.  Then, I had a Mirena IUD...no relief.  Then, an ablation...  (Do you see a pattern developing?)

Currently, I have a thick lining to my uterus (which is remarkable since it was burned off two years ago).  I also have a strep infection "down there".  (This could ONLY happen to me since I am the Queen of Strep Throat.)  AND...I have scar tissue from the ablation...AND...a fibroid.  The results of the biopsy I had yesterday should help determine the next step in my on-going struggle to tame the raging tide.

Rough Draft of My 45 List

I've been thinking about what 45 things I'd like to do.  Here's a rough draft of my first few (in no particular order).

1.  Lose 45 pounds.
2.  Finish reading Dante's Divine Comedy
3.  Finish reading the books on my nightstand:  A Land Remembered, Follow the River, Winning at Losing, Cigar City, Sea Glass, Who Let the Dogs Out, and all of the magazines and catalogs I've hoarded.
4.  Finish the Dalmatian quilt I started about 10 years ago.
5.  Swim with manatees at Crystal River.
6.  Stand up paddle board launched from the shoreline in front of my house.
7.  Kayak in Tampa Bay.

As I've been thinking about what to add to my list, I've read other people's lists.  I'm surprised at how many things I've already done from other people's lists.  I'm also surprised at how many things other people have listed as goals that I have ZERO interest in doing.  Just generating this list is probably going to be one of the hardest tasks to complete.  I'm trying to only put things up here that I think are going to be a challenge and that are things that I really care about.

I don't care about "finding my go to Karaoke song".  Watching classic movies is too easy.  Hot air balloon ride:  Nah.  Heli-Hiking Canadian Rockies:  Done.  Have one of my photographs turned into a canvas print:  Done.  Run a marathon?  Maybe walk one...but I did do a 20 miler in college.  Is it worth it to take up a spot on my list just to add on 6.2 miles?  I would like to do an open water swim across Tampa Bay but that might not be "smart".  I've always wanted to travel by train but I have technically already done that (just not as a "grown up").  Go to some fancy spa?  Umm...way too easy!  Meet Gloria Estefan?  Meet Jimmy Buffet?  Done and done.  Find my perfect shade of red lipstick?  Kind of already done.  Color my hair red, black, blonde, pink?  Done.  Write a book?  Carve an ice sculpture?  I.  DON'T.  KNOW.

Any input would be much appreciated...even though I may not actually add it.

I have never understood blogging.  Why would anyone think that someone (a stranger) would want to read some other stranger's ramblings?  However, I have recently become interested in reading a few blogs and I guess that now I understand...to some degree.  So, I don't know if anyone will read this but it just might be therapy for myself.

Here goes...

I've read about people doing a list of 30 things/goals to accomplish by the age of 30 and I think that is intriguing.   I'm passed the age of 30.  I'm even passed 40.  I'll be 42 this year and therefore I'm going to generate a list of 45 things to do before I turn 45 years old.  That way I'll have enough time to accomplish them.

In brainstorming about 45 things to do, I knew that my number one goal would be to lose 45 pounds.  Then I thought of other things that I've started and not finished (and things I always wanted to do but never even started).  I've been working a quilt for more than 10 years...currently it would be a nice blanket for a crib.  Last year I started reading Dante's Divine Comedy.  I listened to a Yale lecture, downloaded M-W app for the words I didn't know, read a "dumbed down" version, took notes, used an encyclopedia of mythology, and various internet sources but I'm still only half way through "Inferno".  Additionally, there are a number of books and movies that I'd like to experience.

Traveling:  I've done a lot of that (luckily) but I would like to go to Alaska, Antarctica, see the "Roaring Forties", and spend some more time on the Appalachian Trail.  Those are not necessarily things I intend to do before 45 though.

I think that I might spend some time setting mental/self-control goals.  That is definitely an area I know is a challenge!

It's official now.  I'm starting my blog and my list of 45under45.