Day 3 of Diet Redo

Today is the third day of my newly restarted diet.

Yesterday I was hungry but I managed to do "OK".  (Except for one of the top twenty worst headaches ever.)

Today I can't get food out of my mind.  I woke up and had my normal coffee with creamer and sipped it during my drive in to work.  Once I got settled in my classroom, I had time to eat my lovely egg whites before my morning duty started at school.  Then, I had my standard second cup of coffee and creamer.  As a thank you treat for the teachers during FCAT testing our Assistant Principal gave us a nut breakfast bar (only 200 calories) which I promptly ate.  During testing I had a third cup of coffee and creamer.  After that and while walking laps around the students during the test, I ate my almonds and eventually my beef jerky.  (My head actually hurt when I chewed, so I chewed freakishly slowly.)  After the testing session was finally complete, sadly...the only thing left in my lunch bag was an orange - which I ate.  By 11:00, I had eaten all of the food my husband had packed for me!  So, I had a student salad from the cafeteria and another handful of nuts.  Once I got home from work, I had about five pretzel rods and a few veggie sticks.  Pretty much as soon as I was done eating that I asked my husband to make me my protein shake.  At about 7:00, I had two handfuls of pistachio nuts.  Da-umn!

Now, rather than continue to think about food, I am typing about it via this blog entry.

Food is an absolute drug for me.  As humans we need food but those of us who are food addicts want much more than what is needed.  At no point today did my stomach hurt.  I don't even think that my stomach actually growled.  It's in my head.

How is it that I am a strong person who can do lots of things but food is something that I just can't get a handle on?  In my limited OA experience, I know that I have heard that I need to "be thankful" for my food addiction and to be thankful that God will provide the solution.  I go to church (sometimes) and I know that God will take me down the path that He has chosen for me.  Although I may not want to go...if I believe, I know that God has a plan for me.  However, when I'm physically and/or mentally hungry, I forget to let God lead me.

Then comes the battle.  I want ____.  I know I shouldn't have _____.  If I have _____ instead of _____ that will be ok, right?  Well, since I had _____...  You get the picture.  It's like a game of tug-o-war but no one wins.

Was I so hungry today because I had such a bad headache yesterday and for a good portion of the school day today?  Was I so hungry today because today is the third day of my "diet" and  my body is trying to adjust/detox?  Was I so hungry today because I got up with my sick son at 4:00 am and I was just tired all day and thought that it was hunger?  Was I so hungry today because God has given me hunger so that I can turn to Him so that He will remove it?

I am looking forward to sleeping because I am tired AND I just want for the kitchen to officially close.  I don't know when the last time was that I got up in the night to eat something but it sure as heck isn't going to be tonight...God willing!  Wink.  Wink.